Welcome to my blog, redneckhiro, the life and times of a Japanese redneck. This blog is a collection of FREE funny short stories written both in Japanese and English. Once or twice a week, I will post a new short story so I hope that you will come back to visit me regularly and check "funny" or 'interesting" or "cool" or leave comments. Coming soon are links to some more blogs I am starting like cooking and interesting stories growing up in post WWII Japan. Thank you for visiting and come back soon!

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A Japanese Redneck House

A Japanese Redneck House
Illustrated by Redneck Hiro

Sunday, January 31, 2010

Early Signs of Japanese Redneck Tendencies

Jeff Foxworthy said something like, "If you have appliances on your porch, you might be a redneck" These pictures were taken behind redneckhiro's house and even though there is no porch, I think this probably still counts.

Monday, January 25, 2010

redneckhiro's wreck

I hate driving. One time I was working second shift at the Charlotte airport. We had a carpool...Somebody to drive for you. Sound like a good deal for me because I hate driving...but not so. Max worked in the same department and we were good friends, but I hate his driving. Too %@$&# SLOW!!! Sometime I like to step on gas for him. He was so proud because he never got a ticket in his lifetime. WHO CARES??? Make me mad. When he drive, I rather drive myself. During break time, we play cards (which is cheap gambling). Someone think I take all young people's money. Not that good. When I cook, I take food to friend. They like that. Spaghetti for maybe 25 people to eat. Noodle and sauce. From house to freeway, only 8 miles. Before get to freeway, I must fall sleep. Turn over truck. I got covered with hot spaghetti sauce and noodles. First people who saw me thought I was hurt-blood running from head. Just spaghetti sauce...who'd thought anybody would fake blood with spaghetti sauce? Truthfully, I hate clean truck. Take smell off. Spaghetti sauce smell long time.

(click here)"redneckhiro's wreck" (in English)

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

The Story of the Missing Leaves

I was working at L & M Nursery in 1967. My job was landscaping. That is what I went to Tokyo Agricultural University to do. One day we were working in the yards of some model houses in a development. The construction company we dealt with built 3,000 houses a month. We landscaped the front yard of every house they sold. We installed plants and seeded yards. For about six to ten houses that were the model houses, we used better materials (like sod instead of seeds). Back at the nursery, I loaded many nice plants, bushes and trees on a two ton open bed truck and trailer and packed them full. Starting out, I drove very carefully because I was hauling nice plants but when I got on the Santa Ana freeway, I had to go fast. I had to take two more freeways to get to my destination. If you go too slow on the freeway, Californians hate it and open their windows and give you a special greeting with their hand that looks kind of like a phoenix. So I tried to keep up with the speed everybody else was driving which was about 70 mph. George Ishii, my foreman was waiting for me at the job site. We landscaped a lot together. When I got there, George stood at the side of the truck looking at the plants and shaking his head. He yelled, "NOT A *&%#@! *&%! LEAF LEFT ON THESE PLANTS! HOW FAST DID YOU DRIVE?" I answered him, "Slower than usual." "HOW FAST DID YOU DRIVE??" He bellowed. "About 70 mph" George thundered, "THOSE GREENHOUSE GROWN PLANTS ARE TENDER!!! YOU SHOULD HAVE COVERED THEM UP!!!" WE HAVE A DEADLINE OF TOMORROW AND WE'RE NEVER GOING TO MAKE IT!!! YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO WORK ALL NIGHT TO GET THIS JOB DONE!" I told him, "I don't care." But I did care. I was one of their best landscapers and my crew always got the most work done in less time than anybody else. I grumbled, "%#$&*!" George ordered the same plants again. They finally got there about 4:30 in the afternoon. We worked late into the night planting all those trees and shrubs. I guess it was just one of those lessons of youth I had to learn the hard way...

Thursday, January 7, 2010

A True Japanese Redneck Fish Story

Back in 1967, I was fishing with my three year old daughter and caught a 26 pound Yellow Fin Tuna (which is a special Japanese delicacy served raw called sashimi). I didn't have a cooler to keep the fish fresh so I did the only thing anybody with any kind of common sense (that might have anything to do with preserving the freshness of raw fish) would do. I drove my company truck, a Chevrolet El Camino 92 miles an hour through several 35 mph zones. As I came into the town of Anaheim, I saw a quarter mile in front of me four police cars blocking the road. I didn't know that they were waiting for me. They thought I robbed a bank and that's why I must have been driving so fast. They got reports from other police departments who got slowed down at stoplights and never caught up to me. When I stopped the truck, all the of the police officers came to my truck and one of them asked to see my drivers license. (I still didn't know I had done anything wrong) They asked me why I was driving so fast and I told them, "I don't want the fish to spoil!" One police officer talked to my daughter who was sitting happy in the front passenger seat and decided to give me a ticket and scold me telling me I should be ashamed for driving so fast with my little girl in the truck with me. Maybe I should have been ashamed but my little girl loved sashimi too!